Ben's 2010 Facebook quips

Submitted by Ben on Thu, 10/28/2021 - 16:51

Continuing mining the past for stuff worth keeping...

  • I wonder why people are so grossed out by carrion-eaters. What is the meat at the supermarket, if not carrion?
  • I just learned that the process by which cubic zirconium is made is called "skull melting." So that's the connection between Raiders of the Lost Ark and Romancing the Stone!
  • I was just cheerily informed by the proprietor of the café that she's going out to get a cup of coffee. Here I just assumed the way she makes it is the way she likes it.
  • I wonder if I'm the only one who thinks that genetically engineering E. coli to produce industrial chemicals [link to an article about using it to produce biodiesel] is the perfect setup for a horror movie.  Now when people say their diarrhea "burns" we may have to take it literally!
  • If you have a group that's committed to making decisions by consensus, and you ask them if they want to keep using consensus, and one person doesn't, do you have to abandon consensus in order to keep it?
  • Overheard in coffee shop: "Whoa -- his Facebook account is, 'I run for Jesus.' I didn't know it was an elected position."
  • I realized while falling asleep last night that the process of sewage treatment is essentially the same as the process of cheese making. One has curds and whey, the other has turds and wee.
  • I just got a spam whose subject was "your a better man then i am - vicodin" and wonders if it was an intentional joke or just randomly generated.
  • I think one of the crowning glories of Discordianism is that April 1 has no significance on the Discordian calendar. Eris is at her best when she has an alibi.
  • When Mother Earth has a baby, do the balloons say "It's a Small World"?
  • Do deaf Pentecostals speak in thumbs?
  • If you go down to the mall today, you're in for a big surprise / Today's the day the teddy bears have their clinic!
  • I think Margaret Meade either had a very selective reading of history, or a very generous definition of "small group of thoughtful committed citizens." So cozy and thoughtful, those Nazis and Mongols.
  • If you're happy in Genoa, salt your hams!
  • Gosh, BART is expensive. I've been on roller coasters that cost less for a longer ride. Granted, they didn't allow luggage.
  • While we're remembering the OKC bombing, can we also please remember that the bombers' manifesto was basically the same as the TEA Party's? Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, and hate leads to terrorism.
  • This may not be the best of all possible worlds, but it sure is the easiest one to get to.
  • Two line breaks do not a paragraph make / Nor bold text a headline.
  • You can lead a horse to water, but you can't stop him sending his passwords by email. Maybe I should help him get hacked by just posting them here on Facebook.
  • I woke to the thought that if you crossed Maxwell's Demon with Schrödinger's Cat, you'd get... the jury deliberation process.
  • Today I learned that cats can be Platonists.  Warren prefers the idea of a treat to the actual treat.  Even when he knows what the actual treat is, he is still motivated by the idea of a treat.
  • Every time I see someone wearing a bluetooth headset, I remember the CONvergence staff T-shirts years ago that said, "The voices tell me what to do."  It helped that their headsets that year were Secret Service / Matrix Agent style, with the little clear coil running down their necks.
  • I hear there's a trend of people who object to Facebook's infringements on privacy and defect to Twitter. I wonder if these same people insist on driving because they think public transit is unsafe.
  • Since Doctor Who has characters named the Doctor and the Master, who is the Bachelor? Captain Jack Harkness? Then who is the Associate?
  • I'm grateful to the vacant house next door for being my permaculture design's Zone 5 (i.e. wilderness).  It's turning into quite the wildlife habitat, complete with wetland and aspiring forest.  It's a shame someone will eventually come turn it back into boring old lawn.
  • I am today's Tom Sawyer.  The neighbor girls just came over to ask if they could mow the lawn.  Well, I suppose so, since they asked nicely... 🙂  They think our reel mower is cool.
  • "Press release" sounds like step-by-step instructions of how to poke.
  • I'm enjoying watching the neighbors camp in their back yard.  They're still at least a day away from having water and gas in the house, so they're sleeping in an RV parked outside my window and staggering around comically with disheveled hair and cups of coffee.
  • Gulf of Mexico, Singapore, Alaska... how many oil spills need to happen simultaneously before we wake up and change our behavior?  I ask rhetorically just before beginning an 800-mile road trip.
  • If Krystallnacht were an evening with Billy Crystal, would an evening with Ben Stiller be Stille Nacht?
  • I'm amused by people who try to reduce their radiation exposure by using speakerphone, but then hold their phones to their ears so they can hear.
  • I'm amused to learn that the Amana Colonies called their leaders "tools" (Werkzeuge). Maybe they were onto something.
  • I wonder what the critical mass is above which nice, reasonable people become an irrational bureaucracy. It would be handy to know so that I don't accept clients above that size.
  • She's headed for the cheetah side of town, but she can't hide her lion eyes.
  • I wonder if it's kosher to pray the Serenity Prayer on other people's behalf.
  • Kadanuumuu? Really? What, a cartoon character name wasn't good enough for our oldest ancestor this time? "Pig Pen" just didn't seem to fit the guy?
  • I'm not a fan of American Express. Seriously, who do they think they are? If you (as a retailer) agree to pay their higher fees, you then have to promise not to discourage people from using their card. Can we also please wear a "KICK ME" sign on our backs? Maybe with an AmEx logo on it so we can help them advertise at the same time?
  • I think "plenary" sounds like a deadly sin. Or at least a crime, like perjury.
  • Isn't it about time you talked to your Doctor about a reptile malfunction?
  • I wonder how often a Chevy S10 has mistakenly been sold for $10.
  • I wonder why a cat who's so picky about his drinking water when he's inside will drink from a nasty puddle outside. Must be the Celestrious Realm.
  • Let us worship Wikipedia / It's a reference book that needs ya / And a billion folks will read ya / And that's good enough for me! / Gimme that open-source religion...
  • I did not fully realize that opting to work in people's homes meant opting out of a smoke-free workplace.
  • I'm itching to name a fictional character Holly Hollyhock St. Frie. She could work in Missing Persons.
  • I overheard a laryngectomy recipient talking with a buzz box at a nearby table and mistook it for a Kraftwerk song.
  • I realized this morning that the difference between a gastropod and an okra pod is that a gastropod is slimy on the outside.
  • A scolding squirrel sounds like someone trying to pull-start an engine without priming it.
  • I wonder how many children (or adults) have misheard or misremembered "catalpa tree" as "cattleprod tree." Those seed pods are so long and sharp, it's a vivid image...
  • [regarding a headline: Suspicious Stuffed Pony Blown Up Outside School] Let me guess: their mascot was the Trojans.
  • I wonder if taking hostages has EVER proven effective at winning public credibility for a cause. There's something about desperation that makes people think whatever you say must be wrong.
  • How much of that dog is innuendo? I do hope that "doggy's" for "sale." [a friend commented, '"woof," "woof," if you know what I mean']
  • What exactly does Chewbacca carry in his bandoleer? Batteries for his blaster? Looks like almond bark.
  • Does anybody else have a dog that can be made to stop barking and/or spazzing out by singing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" to him? Or just us?
  • I wonder if Laotians have bred their own variant of shih tzu. They could call it Lao Tzu. The Dog that can be understood is not the true Dog.
  • I'm wearing purple in solidarity with those who have bullied. Such as the KSU Wildcats and the MN Vikings. And anyone who just likes wearing purple.
  • I wonder if the VFW was specifically intended to exclude veterans of the Civil War.
  • Tom Toles coined the saying, "Who writes the rules, wins the game." Obviously he's never seen me play Battling Kingdoms, a game I created in 7th grade and have never won against a human opponent.
  • Tinkle, tinkle, little dog; How I wonder what you blog? Writ for all the world to see, in your language made of pee?
  • Simplify, simplify. When advice doesn't get through the first time, it bears repeating. When it doesn't get through that time either, say it again: Simplify, simplify.
  • I wonder what Paul Simon was talking about when he said the woman had diamonds on the soles of her shoes.  As much as he insists that everyone knows exactly what he's talking about, I'm afraid I don't.
  • Jessie said twice that she wants spearmint Dr. Bronner's with fluoride. She needs a nap.
  • I'm listening to the porch swing creak as the neighbor girls impatiently wait for us to leave so their cat-sitting time can start. Not sure what they intend to get up to while we're gone, besides feeding the cat and letting him in and out. I've let them know that they'll be the prime suspects if anything goes wrong...
  • I think Chalica is a cop-out. Unitarians and Universalists such as Charles Dickens, Clement C. Moore, and John Pierpont were instrumental in creating the secular celebration of Christmas. If we don't like what the secular Christmas has become, we should take responsibility and fix it, not create our own silly holiday.
  • I overheard a very silly and tasteless conversation about Chartres Cathedral.
  • I suspect Cheerios wouldn't be as popular if they were called Goodbyes.
  • I wonder if homeopaths act the same way toward their homies as sociopaths do toward society. If so, I'm glad there aren't a lot of homeopaths from Bartlesville.
  • Remember to keep Odin in Wednesday.